my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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