next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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