I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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