My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
