I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
