you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
