4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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