Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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