So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I need help removing her.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
