What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
