he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
