where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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