he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
