Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
then he tried to convert me to islam
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
