His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
