i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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