Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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