see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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