your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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