I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
