Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
