he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
