i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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