As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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