why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
