if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
