just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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