your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
