That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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