Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
