Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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