I like my sex mixed with concussions.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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