I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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