jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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