gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i was born a porn star she said
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
