dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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