Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
