I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
