she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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