Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
