So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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