Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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