Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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