i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
