I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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