there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
