i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
