Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
