Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
