I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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